Like I told myself going into college, I would be upfront with whoever asked. So once again I had two complete separate groups of people that I would hang out with.Įarly on during my first semester at Limestone I was hanging out with a few friends from band when I was asked if I was gay. While at Limestone College not only was I on the track team, I was also a part of the concert band and marching band, playing the baritone.
I decided I would be upfront and say yes if anybody asked if I'm gay, but that was only if they were to ask.
Going into college I did not want to have to live a double life. I ultimately chose to follow a track and field scholarship at Limestone College in South Carolina. It would be that way throughout the rest of high school. I was basically living a double life, being out to a few friends and closeted to my teammates. Still, I was not comfortable sharing my secret with any of the guys on the track team. As time went on I slowly told a few more people, each one having a positive response. Like most mothers of gay teens, she said that she had known for years and was waiting for me to tell her. Those two people were the only ones who knew my secret for the next year, when I told my mother. Their response was nothing but positivity. It felt great to finally be able to talk to someone without worrying about accidentally outing myself.Ī few days passed and I felt like I was ready to tell another person. A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I read that message over and over – more than a dozen times – with the biggest grin on my face. I picked up my phone and there was the message: I did not want to be around when my phone buzzed with her response.Īfter about five minutes, I returned to my room. I then set my phone down on the bed and walked out of the room. "Not that it's a big deal or anything, but I'm gay." In the middle of the conversation we were having, I finally found the courage to blurt it out in a text. Later that night I decided to text her, hoping I would be able to come out to her via text message. When we got in front of my house I grabbed my bags and hopped out of the car, barely saying "thanks for the ride." I was able to convince my mind to say the words, but my mind and my body were on two completely different pages. "Congrats on coming out!! Welcome to the family!!" Those two words ran though my head for the entire ride home, yet I couldn't seem to blurt them out.
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It was like I had completely forgotten how to speak. I completely underestimated how hard it would be to say those two words: “I’m gay.”Įvery time I opened my mouth to tell her, nothing would come out.
I told her everything was fine, and that I was just tired from the workout we did at practice. Halfway through the ride she noticed I wasn’t talking much and asked if everything was OK. Usually we would talk and joke around while making our way home. Those 10 minutes in the car felt like an hour. I ended up catching a ride home with her that day, as I had many times before. I figured since the girl on the track team and I were close friends, and she was LGBT, she would be the perfect person to tell first. One day during practice I had had enough of keeping my secret, so I made a promise to myself that I was going to tell someone before the day ended. I was close friends with a girl on my high school track team She is a part of the LGBT community and was totally out. While everyone was talking about who they were crushing on, I would be sitting there in silence, praying that the topic would change before anyone asked me who I liked.Īfter experiencing that awkward situation a few times, I felt that I needed to tell someone about how I really felt. I hung out with friends, went on a few vacations, and I made unforgettable memories.Īs high school crept into my sophomore and junior years just a few years ago, I had started realizing I was different. Last summer going into my junior year of college was possibly the best summer I ever had.